


A Rare Glimpse into the Mating Rituals of a Mars and an Echolls

by Kantayra of Yore (Kantayra)



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-20
Updated: 2005-09-20
Packaged: 2017-10-19 03:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/196202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kantayra/pseuds/Kantayra%20of%20Yore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And, as they looked through the journalism room doors, they caught a rare glimpse of two sarcastic wise-asses in their natural habitat, performing their courtship rituals. <strike>A very serious nature documentary.</strike> A humorous ficlet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Rare Glimpse into the Mating Rituals of a Mars and an Echolls

**Author's Note:**

> This fic assumes Veronica and Logan are already together; let every single other writer out there figure out how. :P Very short, and definitely a one-trick pony.

Wallace rolled his eyes at the sight in the journalism room. “Great. Ten bucks says we end up eating and watching the movie alone tonight.”

Mac snorted and rolled her eyes at where the remaining two members of what was supposed to be a group evening excursion were flirting shamelessly.

“C’mon, guys, give them a break,” Meg insisted. She cocked her head to one side. “It’s sort of…cute.”

Wallace looked at her as though she’d just grown a second head. “Cute?”

“Just think of it,” Mac cut in sarcastically, stepping back to get a better look at the scene within the journalism room, “we’re bearing witness to a rare and amazing natural occurrence.”

He snorted. “Yeah, the secret mating ritual of two wise-asses.”

And Meg just shook her head. Because, of course, that was all it took. Instantly, Mac had adopted the monotonous intonations of a nature-special narrator. “‘The male wise-ass fluffs up his recently re-frosted plumage to attract the female’s attention.’”

Wallace snorted. “‘He puffs out his chest and makes sarcastic comments in an elaborate mating song.’”

Mac was trying not to laugh now, too. “‘Impressed by the male’s prickly exterior, the female joins in the song, demonstrating her own impressive barbs.’”

“‘The male attempts to move in closer to initiate mating, but the female is still not fully convinced of his sarcastic prowess, and he is stung by one of her quills.’”

“Guys…” Meg pleaded uncomfortably.

“‘Not deterred, the male struts about the room, hands fidgeting in an effort to express his masculinity,’” Mac continued anyway.

“‘Satisfied that her potential mate possesses adequate snark, the female lowers her defenses, revealing her soft underbelly.’”

“‘The male drops his own sarcastic exterior and closes in to begin mating.’”

“‘And then…’” Wallace began, and they both waited for it.

“‘Forehead touching!’” They announced in perfect unison, laughing as they did so.

Meg placed one hand on her forehead and tried to ignore the both of them.

“‘The female examines the male’s vocal chords by shoving her tongue down his throat, thus establishing that they are indeed snarky enough,’” Wallace continued to narrate.

“‘The male repeats the gesture on the female and begins making subtle suggestions that they find an appropriate location to mate.’”

“‘The female, satisfied at last that the male will produce sufficiently sarcastic offspring, consents.’” Wallace froze and shook his head in distaste. “Man, that is _wrong_.”

Mac was trying just as hard not to imagine sarcastic little baby Logans and Veronicas. “This is why birth-control was invented,” she concluded. And then couldn’t help but giggle when she noticed that their rare pair of sarcastically-plumed wise-asses was heading right for them.

Wallace put a hand over his mouth to try to contain his own snickers, while Meg blushed in a horribly guilty way.

“What?” Logan demanded, confident that he was being laughed at, even if he wasn’t sure why.

“Nothing,” Wallace insisted.

And he and Mac broke out laughing some more. Meg smiled apologetically for the both of them.

Veronica seemed to be still caught up in the daze of mating. “Um, Logan and I need to stop by his place to…get…something…” Obviously, her mind hadn’t caught up to her libido yet. “So why don’t we just skip the dinner part, and we’ll catch up with you guys at the theater?” Her eyes were riveted the whole while on the bare skin on Logan’s chest where it was revealed by the top two unfastened buttons.

“Sure,” Meg smiled brightly.

Behind her, Mac was laughing too hard to give her answer.

Wallace bit his lip and nodded, looking a little like he might turn blue in the face from trying to contain his mirth.

“Yeah, great. Later.” Logan was already leading Veronica away, their bodies intertwining and brushing suggestively as they went.

“‘The rare sarcastic wise-asses retreat to the male’s ugly, bright yellow nest to complete their mating ritual,’” Mac finished with a shake of her head.

Wallace laughed.

Meg sighed. “You guys are _awful_!”

Wallace just grinned evilly in response. “Thank you very much.”

Mac nodded in agreement before glancing back to where Logan and Veronica had finally managed to grope their way out the doors. “And, if I have to sit through yet _another_ movie that turns into a documentary on sexuality, a certain pair of lovebirds are going to find out just how awful I can be.”

“Word,” Wallace agreed.

“And heaven help us all…” Meg followed after them.


End file.
